Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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