If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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