How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Houston, we have a blender
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
