I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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