Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
