why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
