She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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