dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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