God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
