my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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