he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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