Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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