went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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