No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
