I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
