he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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