i need an iv and a liver transplant
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
