You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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