dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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