He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
