Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
