I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
