Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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