I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
