I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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