I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
