Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's never too late to be topless.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
