It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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