Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
