I CAN MOONWALK!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
