Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
