the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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