I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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