Whod you bang
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
