Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
