We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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