Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
