I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
PANTIES FOUND
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