no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
