umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
