so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
