At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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