It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
