Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
