Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
