i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
