He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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