Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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