yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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