i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
